Snape in Wonderland
by MsNita
Summary: Like the title says, Snape has found he has fallen down the rabbit hole and is determined to get back home. Everyone else just seems to want to get into his pants. DISCLAIMER: I only own Izzy and Savanah, all other characters belong to JK Rowling, their roles to Lewis Carroll.


**Okay, now I thought that this would be a fun to do. Granted, it's going to be a bit raunchy because our beloved professor is just so molestable. Hey, a trip down the rabbit hole is not always what you think it should be. And before anyone asks, yes I did have the Dark Lord do that because it's a way for him to mess with Snape's head. To any Harry lovers who may read this, Potter is going to be OOC in this story to fit more of the role he is in. I don't think he is anywhere near as much of a douche-bag as I make him appear in this story. ****On with the story... Sorry Professor.**

**Snape: Yeah, yeah.**

**...**

Snape yawned as he rested against a tree in the courtyard. Today was a lazy day all around, even the students were lazing about wherever they liked. Not a single student was around to bother him as today he was in a surprisingly good mood and they didn't want to risk ruining it. He reclined into the roots of the tree as a happy sigh escaped his lips. It was surreal how nice the day was that he almost didn't notice Izzy racing by. What caught his eye was a long, white ear on her head?

"Another botched up spell Ms. Agson?" He teased.

"I'm late," she exclaimed, "No time to say 'hello, goodbye!'"

"Indeed," Snape growled to himself as he got up to follow her. She ran into the forest and he was quick to follow, if only to make sure she didn't get killed. However, when he was led to a hole under a tree, he stopped. "Nope, I see where this is going. I'm _not_ doing it! Do you hear me, Ms. Agson? I'm not doing it!"

Before he could walk away, Izzy knocked into him with a "oops" pushing them into the hole. Snape glared at her as they descended the hole, pausing when they passed through a cluster of roots that tore his robes. Damn it, he thought, I just got these. He grunted as he hit something and broke through it before landing on something solid. He groaned as he reached for his aching back as he slowly sat up to see a shrunken Izzy go through a door. Gradually, he stood up as he glared at the door, the key, and the bottle with the label 'Drink me.' Nope, he thought adamantly, I'm not doing it. He tried to disapperate out of there, but ended up smacking his head against the roof before hitting the floor. He instantly grabbed his head to try to soothe his forming headache.

"Come on!" he yelled at the ceiling.

He sighed as he stood and brushed himself off before turning and begrudgingly grabbing the key and the bottle. After drinking from it, he threw aside to let it shatter on the floor happily exclaiming his agitation. He went through the door and stomped through the garden, keeping an eye out for anyone who would harass him. He had gone a ways away from the door when he was grabbed on either arm and made to stop.

"Oi brother, look at this," a Weasley lookalike stated to his twin brother, "poor bloke has holes and rips all in his clothes."

"That certain won't do brother," the other replied.

"Oh, it's fine, I assure you," Snape stated a little nervously.

"We know just the thing," the first stated.

"We've been waiting to give it away for a while now," the other commented.

Snape gasped and grunted as he fought to keep the ever miraculously growing number of hands from stripping him of his clothes. He was doing a very poor job at it as he stood trying to cover himself when they had gotten him down to his boxers. It was uncomfortable for him to watch them stare at him as he knew that look all too well as he saw the gears in their heads turning.

"Those won't go with it," one stated.

"Not at all," the second agreed.

And soon, Professor Snape was stripped of his last shred of clothing. He stood there meekly as he prayed for some new clothes soon. He wasn't expecting the insult that they were planning on putting him in as he was now battling them to keep them from putting anything on him. When they finished, he fell onto a mushroom large enough to seat him as he stared at the Alice dress with a sour look. He looked at them nervously as they looked him over, stating that something was amiss. Anticipating his reluctance, one of them grabbed his hands while the other started messing with his hair. After they were satisfied, they stood back to admire their work as they had pulled Snape's hair back and tied it up with a white ribbon. Snape hated every bit of it as he sat there with a pout on his face.

"He's adorable with the pout," one murmured to his twin.

"Methinks he might have had a lot of practice," the other responded.

Snape pulled at the layers of skirts uncomfortably as he looked away from their stares. Jumping when he heard a monstrous creature, as the twins bolted in every direction sometimes bumping into each other. Snape crawled off the mushroom and snuck off into a wooded area nearby. He kept looking behind him to be sure no one was following him, but he felt very strongly that he was being watched. He stumbled once again in the ridiculous clogs that those twins called shoes as he fell into a flower patch. He stuttered an apology as they snapped at him for trying to crush them.

"Having trouble with those Mary Janes?" a female voice asked.

Snape looked up, "McGray?"

"Who?" Savanah asked.

As Snape looked at her, he saw a pair of cat ears twitching about on the top of her head and a tail waving lazily with a random twitch here and there behind her. "You're the Cheshire cat, aren't you?"

"That's right, angel face."

"Could you help me get out of here?"

"That depends honey."

"On what?"

"Are you wanting out of just this forest or all of Wonderland?"

"All of Wonderland, preferably if you will."

"Then you will have to go through the Queen of Hearts, darling. I wish I could say otherwise, but there's no other way."

Snape thought about what she had said, knowing that Savanah would never steer him wrong. However, the way she said there was 'no other way' kind of worried him. "How bad is she? Is she as bad as I've read with the whole 'off with their heads?'"

"Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to say, rules and all. The mome raths behind you will lead you on the right path. Piece of advice, though... avoid the tea party," she stated before she disappeared before him, only her eyes and smile visible before disappearing also.

Snape turned around these strange little green and white creatures sniff up at him then run off in the other direction, stopping to look back at him. He inhaled, letting out a shaky breath and followed them as they ran their way through the forest. He followed them to a break in the forest where he saw light poking through the trees and raced for it. He heard what sounded like a squeal and turned around to see the mome raths shaking their heads as they waited for him to come back, but his weight on the branches he was pushing against caused them to give way, allowing him to topple out of the forest to what he assumed was the tea party he was supposed to avoid. There sitting at the expansive table was Lucius, wearing a rather ornate top hat, and Narcissa, who had long, elegant rabbit ears peeking out of her hair. Snape pushed himself up to see better before he slowly tried to crawl backwards, hoping that they didn't see him. He wasn't so lucky as this hatter Lucius got up and began walking towards him, Narcissa or her March Hare doppleganger not far behind.

"It looks like you had a rather nasty tumble," Lucius called.

"I'm fine, really," Snape whispered, reluctant to have this hatter help him up.

"You _must_ join us for tea," Narcissa exclaimed.

"Oh yes," Lucius concurred, "guests are so hard to come by."

"I'm really in a hurry," Snape muttered.

"Oh please, just one cup?" Lucius begged.

"I-I suppose... one won't hurt," Snape conceded.

He felt a familiar uncomfortableness as they guided him to the table. Once they had him seated, they offered him tea and cakes. They paused as a miniature Draco with mouse ears and whiskers popped his head out of a teapot in front of them. He yawned as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. Narcissa placed her hand in front of him as he climbed into it. He continued to rub the sleep from his eyes when she kissed him affectionately.

"Did you sleep well, my dear?" she asked as he nodded.

When she placed him back on the table, he ran straight to the cakes, one of which he grabbed and carried it over to a cup of tea where he proceeded to dip it. As soon as Snape saw him eat the tea-soaked cake, he timidly took the teacup that Lucius was offering him and sipped it. It was just the way he liked it, with barely a dash of sugar to enhance the flavor of the tea itself. Like the Malfoys that he knew, they had tried to get him to join in a little small talk, and like the originals, it didn't work as he continued to sip his tea and nibble on his cakes. He practically leapt out of his skin when Lucius started to nibble on his ear. He was stuttering while Narcissa did the same along his jawline. He panicked when they grabbed either of his arms, holding him firmly into place when he tried to stand up. Draco looked up curiously and then raced to the edge of the table toward Snape when Lucius gave a nod of his head. Snape jerked slightly against them as Draco landed on his lap and moved toward the edge of his skirts. They continued to nuzzle and nibble on him as he felt Draco messing with the panties those retched twins put him in. Snape watched him slide down his legs with them in hand when Lucius and Narcissa had him stand to aid in their removal. From that slightly elevated position, he could see the aphrodisiacs littering the table and finally see the aphrodisiac smoke coming from the candles. It was a trap for whoever came to have tea with them. He now understood the Cheshire cat Savanah's warning as he smiled at the irony.

I wondered how Lucius would feel if he knew his doppleganger was going to bed me before he did, he thought as they sat him back in his seat. He watched as Draco ran back to his teapot, souvenir in hand, as he climbed in. Snape wondered how many there were before him as he watched the little rat pull out a ratty pair of boxers, discarding them to be replaced with the pair he had just stolen. When he was out of sight, Lucius cupped Snape's face and started to kiss him intimately. Snape couldn't fight them as Lucius's hands lowered and he kissed him along his jawline while Narcissa then cupped his face to make out with him. Snape hated to admit it even to himself, but her lips were everything Lucius said they would be. He wondered how long they would keep him and how far they would go. He gasped when he felt a gloved hand go up his skirts. While one of Narcissa's hands cupped the side of his face, her other joined Lucius's hand underneath Snape's skirts as she began to rub the inside of his leg. He moaned unhappily as he leaned into her hand while she kissed Lucius deeply.

They broke apart and glanced at him impishly as Lucius said, "It seems our guest doesn't wish to be ignored, love."

"I wa... I want t-to... go home," Snape mumbled as Lucius continued to tease him.

"Oh, but you can't leave," Lucius whined.

"We've only just begun," Narcissa cried softly.

Just before Lucius could stick his head underneath the skirts to continue his assault, they heard a growl come from the forest. They cautiously stood up as Narcissa grabbed the teapot that held Draco in it. When the growl came again, they ran leaving him there to suffer whatever fate may await him. On the table he saw a bottle saying, "Drink me" sitting in front of him. Meekly, he reached for it and poured it into his mouth with whatever strength the aphrodisiacs left him. He gasped as he began to shrink, his alertness coming back to him. He sat there in the chair they had placed him in and looked around at everything that dwarfed him. I suppose that aphrodisiacs had no affect on that little undergarment thief, Snape thought as he crawled to the edge of the chair to climb down. Before his feet touched the ground, something grabbed the back of his skirts causing him to cry out. He looked back, praying not to see Lucius, instead finding what looked like Jinx. He breathed a rather shaky sigh of relief as the tomcat started to prance off away from the tea party.

Snape hated the bouncing sensation he was feeling as Jinx trotted along and had gotten sick once or twice in the process. He looked up in mild shock when Jinx ran into the white rabbit Izzy as she stopped in her tracks to stare at the black cat staring up at her. She squeaked and made a break for it. Jinx didn't wait for orders as he bolted after her at top speed. Snape curled up tightly into a ball to avoid the swaying and bouncing as well as being hit by the plants blocking their path. When Jinx was right on her tail, she kicked back causing Jinx to drop Snape, who at least safely landed into a pile of mushrooms. Snape groaned as he tried to put himself in the upright position as he saw that his ride was gone, still chasing after that Gryffindor white rabbit.

"You reek of aphrodisiacs," he heard a familiar voice say.

"If I had known, I would have avoided it," Snape growled as he managed to sit himself on a mushroom. It was odd to say the least to feel the skin of the mushroom directly against the skin of his rump. He looked up at a taller mushroom to see a blue caterpillar of Lady Soo staring down at him as she blew out smoke rings from a peace pipe in his direction. He gagged and coughed as soon as he breathe it in.

"Who are you?" she asked sternly.

"My name is Severus," he responded hoarsely.

"Strong name," she stated as she took more from her pipe. "Why are you here?"

"I got tossed down a rabbit hole," he replied.

"That's bad luck."

"I tend to be full of it. Does one side of this make me shorter while the other makes me taller?" he asked as he pointed at her mushroom.

"No," she responded, "this mushroom I am upon will only make you shorter, and as well as being less than three inches tall suits me just fine, I doubt you'd like to be any smaller."

"I really wouldn't," Snape admitted.

"The mushrooms you are looking for are growing on the tree behind you," she stated, "these mushrooms never grow far from each other, one always growing on the body and the other growing in the roots."

"Thank you," Snape replied as he turned to slide off of his mushroom.

"I would dust off any spores you might have picked up by sliding off of there," she called.

"I'll do that," Snape answered as he climbed the tree to one of the nearest mushrooms. As soon as he reached it, he pulled a piece off and slowly climbed down. He dusted off his rear as best as he could as walked away nibbling on the mushroom. When he reached his normal height, he looked back and waved goodbye to her to see she had turned into a butterfly.

She gave him a peck on the cheek and said, "Good luck to you, my friend. Be sure to heed the Cheshire's advice."

With that, he watched her as she flew off to who knows where. He continued on his way until he saw lounging in a tree his Cheshire student. She smiled at him as he stopped and waited for her to say something. He was confused when she disappeared with a swish of her tail. He looked up to see her dusting him in rose pollen.

"It will get rid of the smell of the aphrodisiacs, darling," she said, "I thought I told you to _avoid_ the tea party."

"I didn't know how bad one cup of tea would be," Snape admitted cattily.

"What do you think '_avoid_ the tea party' meant?" she snapped back.

"I know now," Snape griped, "can we please not mention it?"

"Very well," she commented, "if you want to reach the Queen of Hearts to go home, go straight on the path ahead of you, and when you come across a maze, go in."

"Enter the maze, okay," Snape breathed, remembering what the caterpillar had told him.

With a swish of her tail, she was gone and he was left on his own. He looked down the path that she told him to go straight on and started walking. He became nervous when he saw that a dark forest came close to the road, but never crossed it. While he was walking alongside the forest, he felt like something was watching him, but he somehow knew it wasn't his Cheshire student. It felt more malevolent, like it wanted to devour him. He jumped back when he heard a hiss come from the forest. He looked toward it to see a pair of red eyes staring at him. He back up to the edge of the road opposite of the forest when a dragon-like creature crept to the edge without coming into the light. He was pale and his face was almost human. Snape didn't know why, but he knew this was Voldemort.

"It's a very dangerous road to be traveling upon by yourself," he hissed almost sweetly, if that was even possible.

"I'm traveling t-to the Queen of-of H-hearts," Snape stammered.

"Did the Cheshire tell you what the Queen was like?" he asked, "Did she tell you what expect?"

"She said that she couldn't..." Snape admitted, "because of rules."

"Yes," he concurred with a dark purr, "rules can be such... _tricky _things." Snape gasped when he felt a tail rub his behind as he stared at the Jabberwocky-Voldemort like a rabbit staring at a snake about to eat it. "Why do you wish to see the Queen?"

"If I go to the Queen," Snape squeaked, "I can go _home_."

"_I_ could send you home," he replied.

'Be sure to heed the Cheshire's advice,' played in his head automatically followed by, 'When you come across a maze, go in.' I didn't listen to her once before and almost regretted it, he thought as the tail teased him more. "I... I have to... go," Snape managed to force out.

"Do you?" he asked, "Why not come with me? I promise that there won't be any risk of the Queen hurting you if you come with me."

"I-I was t-told to enter a m-maze," Snape stuttered as he continued to shake. "This i-is a f-forest, n-not a m-maze."

"Are you sure?" Voldemort prodded. Snape nodded frantically as he longed dreadfully to get away from this incarnation of the Dark Lord. "Really?"

"Yes," Snape finally said more firmly if a bit frustrated now, especially by the tail's teasing.

"Will you not stay a little longer?" the Dark Lord tried once more.

"No thank you," Snape breathed, "I must go."

Snape turned and ran along the road as best as he could, the Dark Lord watching him as he went. Before he was out of earshot, the Dark Lord called out, "I tried to spare you, _my_ judgement would have been swifter and more merciful. Now, you must face the Queen's whims and fancies!"

Snape continued to run as fast as his legs could carry him. It was hard for him to stay upright and continue running as his legs throbbed. He cried out in desperation when he saw the maze come into view as he continued to race for it. He collapsed at the entrance of the maze and curled up, crying. Any resulting arousal that _might_ have come from that teasing of Voldemort's Jabberwocky tail was gone from the fear of that happening and what could have happened if he had gone with him. He felt dirty as he wept at the entrance of the maze that would lead him home. He continued to shake even though he had stopped weeping a while go. He remembered what the Dark Lord had told him before he was out of sight. "Savanah led me here for a reason," Snape muttered to himself, "I'll take my chances with the Queen." Having resolved any inner turmoil, he stood up and dusted himself off before entering the maze like he was told.

He didn't like how quiet the maze was as he made his way through. He could sense that he was going to have another traumatic incident while he was in here like with the tea party and the forest. It didn't comfort him as he made his way deeper, but his desire to go home was greater than his fear. Plus, he knew that if he stayed that he would be at the mercy of whoever found him next and whoever after that. Rather than be Wonderland's plaything, he would risk whatever assault he would most likely walk right into if it meant going home. He wasn't sure what to think when he was surrounded by blue flowers everywhere. When he saw one look at him, he looked back to see Ms. Lovegood's face gazing right back at him.

"Hello," she cooed, "are you going to see the Queen of Hearts?"

"I am," he admitted.

"Will you not stay with us a little longer?" Mr. Davies asked.

As soon as Snape heard that, his guard was up from every other time he has heard like questions. "No... I need to go if I'm going to go home," he stated as he backed away.

"But you must stay," multiple of the Ravenclaw flowers cried out as vines grabbed him. He struggled as they pulled him against the wall of shrubbery. He grunted and gasped as the vines wrapped around his arms and legs. He began to scream and cry out for them to stop when he felt thicker vines crawling up his legs. His struggles became more fervent as did his cries the closer they got to his pelvic region. Why does everyone want to molest me? he thought frantically.

"Somebody _help_!" he screamed.

Seconds before they reached their target, an army of cards showed up and started hacking them to mulch. The only one they didn't turn into mulch was the Lovegood lookalike flower, who had sat there scolding the other flowers. He looked at the cards, confused as to why they spared her while slaughtering the others. As soon as he was free, one of the cards who looked like a Gryffindor said that she was the only well-behaved flowers, which was why she was the only one to not be punished with having to start all over. Ever the Gryffindor logic to think they have the responsibility to discipline their fellow houses, Snape thought sardonically. Suddenly, they surrounded him and had all of their spears aimed at him as he meeped weakly.

"What are you doing in the Queen's maze?" an ace of hearts demanded.

"I just... want to go home," Snape mumbled. "I was told that she could help me?"

"You wish an audience with the Queen," he snarled.

"Please," Snape squeaked.

He yelped when they grabbed his arms and escorted him through the rest of the maze without any further incidents. The first thing he saw when they exited the maze was the castle. Something caught his attention as with a few jerks of his head he looked down to see that his feet weren't even touching the ground as they were literally carting him off to the castle. Oh come on, he mentally griped, can't they at least let my feet drag the ground, leave me some pride? The feeling in his arms and legs started to go numb as he remembered something that Savanah had told him. She stated that moving the sleeping limb helped with the blood flow and as his arms moving were out of the question, he made an exhausted and annoyed face and started to rock his legs back and forth. When one of the guards got onto him, he said that they either let him walk or leave him be, which they did. He was lost in la-la-land his feet swung higher and higher until his feet almost swung into the face of the spitting image of Harry Potter. He pulled his legs back as fast as he could while the guards jerked him away from Potter and the ace apologized profusely. Snape paused when he heard "Off with his head!" come from Potter's mouth in a high shriek as he looked at the regal gown that Potter was wearing. It was then that the nail hit home and Snape was doing a poor job of holding back any laughter as he snorted and snickered at first before laughing openly at the fact that the famous _Harry Potter_ was the Queen of Hearts.

"_What_ is so funny?" Potter demanded as Snape continued to laugh.

"He must have gone mad from the attack in the maze," one of the guards suggested when he collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles when they set him on the tile.

"What's going on?" another voice demanded that Snape recognized as he sat up to see Ronald Weasley walk up in garments that belonged to a king.

"I _knew_ it!" Snape exclaimed as he eyed the royal couple. I knew you two had more than just a friendship going on, he thought victoriously, of course, I thought you two were just experimenting.

They stared down at him baffled by his sudden outburst when a Hermione Granger walked up beside them in armor. She looked down at him severely as he glared right back with a slight smirk on his face at the same time. He returned his attention to the royals as they were informed by one of the guards about him and proceeded to discuss what to do with him quietly amongst each other. Cautiously, Snape stood up before them as Potter stared at him with a peculiar look in his eye. Then as if to end his conversation with Weasley, he took a step forward to place his full focus on Snape.

"You were attacked in _my_ maze?" he asked.

"By some blue flowers, yes," Snape answered.

A peculiar smirk appeared on Potter's face as he looked him up and down before asking, "Did they reach their target?"

"No," Snape responded.

Potter nodded in some satisfied manner before saying, "And what is it that you wish to see _me_ for?"

"I was informed that seeing you would be the quickest way for me to go home," Snape stated bluntly.

"So, you wish to leave my kingdom?" Potter implored, feigning being hurt by his statement.

"In all _due_ honesty your _Highness, _yes I do," Snape muttered with a bite.

"He has an attitude problem," Weasley spat, "I think he needs to be taught some manners."

"You know darling," Potter replied, "I'd absolutely _love_ the thought of you letting me teach him these manners."

Snape backed up slightly as soon as he heard that. "Why not have 'Mione teach him?" Weasley asked.

"You know she tends to be on the soft side," Potter mentioned with a smirk as Weasley grimly nodded his head. Great, this nightmare goes from bad to worst, Snape thought sourly, if I have to see Potter's... _thing _again, I'm going to be sick. "Plus, I can tell by looking, he's going to need some _special_ lessons."

"Alright," Weasley sighed, "Guards! Take him to the dungeon!"

"What?" Snape yelped, "But I haven't _done_ anything! I just want to go home!"

Snape stared at his feet chained to opposite walls with a sour face. Both of his arms were chained to opposite walls high enough that he was standing on his toes. He was glad that he was by himself at the moment because he was dreading what would happen when Potter decided to show up. I _had _to be snarky, Snape thought, I couldn't have been a little more _humble?_ Thinking about it for a moment before snorting with laughter. Yeah right, he thought humorously, like _that_ will ever happen. His head snapped up when he heard the dungeon doors open.

"I hope you weren't waiting for too long," Potter said sweetly.

"Oh, not at all," Snape replied sarcastically.

"So, where did you hear that I would be the one to get you home?" Potter asked.

"A little pussycat," Snape stated nonchalantly.

Potter's face went dark, "And you spoke with her when?"

"Why does it matter?" Snape implored.

"_I'll_ ask the questions here," Potter exclaimed, "are you in cahoots with her?"

"What? _No!"_ Snape responded.

"Bloody troublemaker," Potter murmured, "I would love to put the axe to her neck." Snape swallowed nervously as soon as he heard this. "Well, shall we begin?"

"Let's not and say we did," Snape answered.

Potter giggled as he began to circle him. Snape was growing more and more nervous when Potter was behind and frantically tried to look over his shoulder when he felt Potter lifting the back of his skirts. "Oh dear, did we choose to go commando, or did you lose your panties?"

"I lost them," Snape ground out as his eye twitched in irritation.

"To who?"

"I lost them at the tea party to a rat."

"... Did they?"

"The hatter was about to stick his head up these skirts before the lot of them got scared off, does that answer your question?"

Snape yelped when Potter grabbed his butt harshly. "Do you not know how to respect your superiors?" Superiors, Snape thought sourly, we'd see how long you'd think that if we were in my classroom and everything was _normal_. "That's fine, I prefer it when it takes a while to break my new toys. Who knew you would have such a cute bottom."

"My bottom is not cute!"

"Oh, it's gets all bubbly in the cutest way when you're angry."

"It does _NOT!"_

Snape gasped and tried to jerk away in vain as he felt a hand caress his rear tenderly. "It's so soft. I'm afraid it might bruise more easily than I would like." Snape panicked when he saw Potter walk in front of him. He backed up as best as he could when he saw Potter began to strip of his robes. He cringed at the bare chest that was revealed to him, but closed his eyes before he could once again see that dreaded piece of anatomy. He felt Potter's hands grasp either side of his face as his breathing quickened when Potter forced their foreheads to touch. "Look at me," Potter whispered seductively. Snape whined as he shook his head as much as Potter permitted. "Look at me! Look at _ME!_"

"NO!"

Potter did not take lightly Snape's response as he growled. Snape was nevertheless surprised when he was freed from his bonds as he hit the ground and opened his eyes to gave at Potter's feet, the safest thing in his mind to look at at the moment. He clamped his eyes shut when Potter yanked his head up by his bangs, and for safety measures, clamped his mouth shut as well. "If you will not look at me, will at least touch me?" Snape growled in frustration as he could feel Potter's body heat inches away from his face. His breath hitched when he received a slap to the face that sent him backwards. He tenderly touched his cheek as he mentally noted how that actually stung more than when Bellatrix slapped him for denying her when he should have considered himself lucky as she put it that she would even consider letting him touch her after the whole incident with Potter. His face soured greatly as he remembered how depressed he was that Lily wouldn't even talk to him and Bellatrix said she could help him forget about her. If he had taken her up on that offer, he would have lost his virginity right there and he almost had, but something had brought Lily to mind and he couldn't face the thought of her not being his first. Bellatrix did not take too kindly to that as she bullied him for it before bullying him for others things that would entertain her at the moment. Snape was forced out of memory lane when Potter flipped him over to straddle him while he proceeded to smack him repeatedly. "How _dare_ you ignore _me, _you lowly, greasy, little git!" That snapped Snape out of taking this abuse as he remembered Potter's father once saying that direct line as well as his godfather, Black. Remembering something Savanah had mentioned, the heel of his palm shot up effectively knocking Potter off of his person. He refused to look in his direction, maintaining some pleasure in not giving him that satisfaction. He was mildly surprised when he heard Potter grab his clothes and race out of the dungeon.

"This surely will not end well," Snape mumbled as he stared at the dungeon doors.

How I hate being right all the time, Snape thought morosely as he stared ahead at nothing with his hands bound in front of him. He sighed as he looked up depressingly at the royal couple in the courtroom he was in. Potter was crying horribly as Weasley glared down at him. Apparently, "hell hath no fury as a scorned woman" fit Mr. Potter as well as he told the king of hearts that Severus had attempted to rape him. Now he was on trial as he stood there in the middle of the courtroom about to give his defense after Potter had piled on the rubbish of how he assaulted him. Snape was having trouble holding down whatever contents were in his stomach as the story progressed.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" Weasley demanded.

"First off, the mere idea of putting my person anywhere near that..." Snape couldn't even finish as he fought again to keep from retching, which resulted in an insulted wail from Potter. "Second, I have more bruises upon my person than his one. Third, everyone has tried to molest me since the moment I got here, except for the Cheshire Cat! She has..."

"The Cheshire?" Weasley exclaimed dangerously.

"Yes?" Snape responded slowly.

"Are my ears burning?" he heard Savanah say behind him as he turned to see just her head floating in midair. He smiled as he noticed that her collar was the same bell and ribbon he had given the Savanah back home.

"YOU!" Potter shrieked, "You told him to deny me what's mine!"

"Honey, just because the thought of letting that worm you pass for a penis near his person makes him want to hurl, doesn't mean I told him clamp his rear shut as tight as your dungeons," she stated casually as it looked she was reclining by the angle her head was in.

Snape looked over at Potter to see him seething to the point that he was sure swears were soon to go flying as he crouched down to make himself smaller. "Off with her HEAD!" Potter screamed bloody murder.

"Darling," Weasley tried to say in a calm voice, "how can we take off her head if there is not a body attached to it? You know I'd _love_ to give you her head on a silver platter to do with as you please, but we've been through this love."

Snape watched Savanah as she yawned while Potter whined to Weasley. "Are you ready to go home, Professor?" Snape turned to see Izzy with white rabbit ears dressed as a herald.

"So, what do I get for following a white rabbit this far?" Snape asked sarcastically, holding some genuine humor within the question.

"Enlightenment," she said seriously as she tossed a clock to Savanah, who started to glow in an eerie red color.

Snape stared at Savanah's now silver eyes as her full body formed. Gently, she placed her hands on either side of his face as she gazed deeply into his eyes. "Savan...nah," Snape whispered before she kissed him. When he opened his eyes, she was the only one there as dark clouds surrounded them. He felt as though he was falling slowly as she continued to rise out of his reach.

He breathed in a deep breath as he opened his eyes to see his room surrounding him. He looked down to see that he was in his nightshirt tucked safely in his bed. He looked around, remembering crawling into bed earlier. "So, it was all a dream?" He asked himself, touching his lips as they still tingled. "That's it, no more elf wine before bed."

**...**

**Snape: You think I'm a virgin?**

**SP: I think that you might have had opportunities, and might have even tried a few, but when it came to the nitty-gritty, you always wanted Lily to be your first. So, yes I think you are if only for her sake.**

**Snape *smirks***

**Alucard: _Are_ you a virgin?**

**Snape: That information is classified. If I'm lucky for once, not even Ms. Rowling will reveal that.**

**Alucard: Spoil sport. ^.^**

**SP: What makes you think I'd let you touch him if he is?**

**Alucard: What makes you think you can stop me?**

**SP: All the fangirls that would like to get their hands on you.**

**Alucard *gulps* O.o**


End file.
